The Pursuit of Happiness 

You know what bothers me a whole lot? Dishonesty with ourselves. Somewhere along the lines, someone made up these ridiculous rules about life, like how long to wait to call after you get a girls number, or how long you have to hang out with someone before you admit to liking them. 

We do this nonsensical charade of pretending not to feel things or feelings. We discredit our own instinctual emotions because we’re worried about ‘breaking’ some unwritten rule. I think the world needs more honesty. It needs more people who aren’t afraid to say what they want, feel the emotions that are true, and show someone their emotions however they believe feels right at that moment. 

You know, I believe this world would be better if we all got honest with ourselves and went after whatever it was that made us the happiest. Sometimes we fall into a hole where nothing seems to go right and we get depressed and give up on things and people. I truly agree because I’ve been there more than once, but even pretending to be happy can change your mood. We have to think about the small things that can help us. Seeing a text from someone you love talking to. Hearing that one persons voice that makes everything worth it. 

So I guess my proposition is to be honest with yourself today. We need to learn to hold on to the ones that make us feel something. We get so caught up in the mediocrity and redundancy of life that we sometimes miss out on these people. And it’s such a shame. 

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I guess I’m too predictable…

I feel like sometimes the world gets the best of me… and I know I’m better than that, but its difficult to comprehend why things happen to you even after you do nothing but good. I actually had to say to myself today; “Why the fuck are people so bad? Why do people do things intentionally to hurt others?”
Ok… I’m lying a little… I said it out loud. To the woman at the bank who was helping me.
“Why the fuck are people such assholes?”
I think that’s how it went. She looked up at me, laughed and said “The golden question”
And she’s right. There really is no fucking answer as to why people are like this. How could they be so cruel and so evil that they are just out to hurt someone? I keep trying to live on this notion that everyone I come across is going to have the same heart as me, and I always end up telling myself how unrealistic that thought is… it’s so fucking sad. I have gone out of my way for people on more than one occasion and it’s really shocking when the people you are closest to don’t reciprocate when you are in your time of need. It’s sickening actually; that’s a better word… and that’s all I’ve known for two weeks now, is that gut wrenching, throw-up, dizzy and breathless kind of feeling.. that feeling you get when you’re alone and have Noone to guide you. It’s unbearable sometimes.
It takes all I have in me to keep going.. to keep looking up and getting to the next day. It takes all my strength not to break down and cry… but I know I’m not weak. And I know that strength comes from within. I have to keep trying to believe in somewhere better than here.

Things that pawn shop workers won’t tell you…

Things that pawn shop workers won’t tell you…

Okay, my co-worker and I are DYING laughing at all the things we can come up with that we hate hearing while running the pawn shop. I must tell you, we are both super dedicated and we LOVE what we do, but if we don’t make fun of ourselves a little bit, we might not make it.

We have collectively compiled this list of things that we absolutely DREAD hearing. Don’t say these things to us. Just don’t. Ever. Thank you for helping save our sanity.

  1. “How much are (group of like items that are all clearly individually priced)?”      OKAY. Please. For the LOVE of whatever God you believe in; before you ask me this question, look for a damn price tag. I promise you that I put a lot of time and effort into finding the best price for this item, and I PROMISE you that I put the sticker on it. Prices are negotiable, but please fucking at least try to look with your eyes first.
  2. “I have a trunk full of (worthless item)…”     DO NOT. Fucking. Tell me. That you have a ‘trunk full’ of anything. I promise I do not have enough time in this day to dig through your trunk. And if I do take the time and effort to come outside to your 1994 Buick and attempt to look through your trunk and I find ZERO items worth anything to me, I will hate you every time you come in again. That is a guarantee.
  3. “I have this bag of jewelry; My grandmother gave it to me and I just know it’s worth at least a million dollars… she told me it’s from (far away royal place)…”        UGH. Really though? Really? Have you ever heard of the gold market? Did you know that the gold market fluctuates EVERY. SINGLE. DAY? Something that was worth $1,000 yesterday could very easily be worth $700 today. Or, something that was $300 last year could be worth $2,000 today. Really. The gold market is unpredictable and the price of the day is public knowledge. Do some fucking research before you come in here and tell me how to do my job. THANKS 🙂
  4. “…I understand, but I bought this at (Large Chain Jewelry Store In Every Mall) and I paid $3,000 for it, so I’d like to get at LEAST $2,900”                    *My eyes bug out of my head IMMEDIATELY* I am regretting the day you were born. I am wishing spontaneous fucking combustion on your entire being right now. Hello. I am the year 2015. Nice to meet you. This over here is a computer. It has Google on it, if you look hard. Why don’t you sit down, do a quick little search called “jewelry store markup”. Read it. Read it all for the rest of your days. Please. Fucking educate yourselves before you come to me and yell at me when you hear the price that I would like to offer you for your wedding set after your messy divorce. Look, I’m sorry you’re pissed off, but big chain jewelry stores are not selling things for what they’re worth. They’re selling a finance plan so you can pay 29.9% interest on a ring that is worth one third of what you’ve spent. And you’ll still be paying for it after the divorce is finalized. Do yourself a favor and come to me first to buy your jewelry. You’re welcome.
  5. “I have this rare coin. It’s from (country that doesn’t exist anymore). I know nothing about it. It’s not gold or silver and i would like (absurd amount of money)”  PLEASE. JUST GO HOME. Please. I can’t even.
  6. “How much will you loan me for a guitar that looks kind of like the one you have here, but different?” (Me: ‘Can you give me the brand and model number of yours?’) “Ummm I don’t think it has one” (Me: ‘I’m sure it does…’)            MY GOD, PLEASE. Please just stop being lazy and look for something that I can look up. Why is this so difficult? You want me to take MY time to look this up and find you a precise amount, but you don’t want to take the time to tell me what the FUCK you have? Enough.
  7. “I have this thing… I don’t know what it is…”     Then I promise you. I don’t know what it is either.
  8. “…but wait, I think I have a picture of me and it’s in the background…”                      STAHHHP. I still don’t know what it is. I don’t care. Stopped caring at your last question. Bye now.
  9. “Why won’t you take (item from 20 years ago that’s broken, falling apart or not usable whatsoever)?”                      UMMMMM. Why the fuck do you think?
  10. “Will you take this phone with a cracked screen?”                     Do you like shards of glass in your fingers? Oh, you don’t? That’s weird. Neither do my customers. Throw it in the middle of the street please. I’ll wait.
  11. When I answer the phone- “Hello, XYZ Pawn Shop”   Customer- “Uh hi is this XYZ Pawn Shop???”   Bitch, I said ONE FUCKING THING to you. The ONLY thing I just said to you, is the answer to the question you are asking. Pay the fuck attention. Or stop calling. Better yet, don’t call anyone ever again. For as long as you live.
  12. “Why can’t I have this (expensive brand tool for sale) for $1?”        BITCH. Because it is EXPENSIVE and I have too much money into it. If I pay $20 for a wrench, and I mark it $35, I promise you. You are not paying $5 for it. You’re just not. Byeeeeee.
  13. “How come you won’t take my (stupid item nobody wants)? You have one right here…”      Hey! Ya wanna know why we have one? Because. NOBODY. FUCKING. WANTS. IT.
  14. “Aren’t you scared, being a woman in a pawn shop?”                  Nope. I’m not. Aren’t you scared because I have weapons and alarms and things to hurt you with if you fuck with me? Have a great day.
  15. “Can’t you please give me five more dollars?”     Um. No.     “BUT WHYYYYY?”     Please fucking don’t. I didn’t want to give you what I already gave you, so leave before I take it back.  “WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?”           Don’t beg. It’s not cute. And don’t call me names. I’m the one trying to help you. Please be nice.
  16. “Well, you don’t have it, so do you think ABC Pawn Shop down the road has it?”      ARE YOU JOKING? What do you think we all have ESP with each other? You think we get home every night and just get on a big group phone call together like “Ok, read me all your inventory lists so that I can tell these jackasses tomorrow what you guys have…” We don’t. Really. I swear. We don’t do that. Google it. Thanksssss.
  17. When we don’t take your items, please do not scrounge through your cup holders and glove compartments in an attempt to find something that we’ll accept. Like 99% of the time, whatever crumb-covered item you find in there is worth nothing. Go home please.
  18. *I ask a customer for the model number on an item*   Customer- “Do you mean serial number?”    *HUGE EYE ROLL* “No. I am sure that I mean MODEL NUMBER”   Customer- “Is that the one that says ‘model’ then a bunch of numbers?”          I’m sorry… WHAT? Do you hear yourself speak?
  19. LASTLY. And most importantly. PLEASE. Be respectful! We are tough because we have to be. We get taken advantage of sometimes too, and we genuinely want to help. If you treat us like real humans, we will reciprocate. And most likely, we will help you out! That’s why we’re here!!! 🙂

Running away is always my defense mechanism…

Have you ever felt the urge to pack your bags and leave this place? Do you ever look around at your life and say “Who the fuck am I?” I’m shocked to hear some of my own thoughts sometimes, but I have to be very honest. I don’t know how to be anyone else or how to have someone else’s feelings.
I’ve always felt different… Like I had something to say that was going to change this world.
I guess the problems lie in my childhood; where infidelity, turmoil and escape from reality was the norm. My parents didn’t want the pressure of bringing up another human, so they gave me up to my grandparents. The stress was too much for them- so they ran away.
I don’t know how to change who I am or how I feel, but if we’re being honest, I wish I could pack my bags and never look back.

Can God really be the only one to judge us?

We are all so quick to judge others lives that we forget- the “perfection” we see in ourselves is fictional. It doesn’t exist. We can not bring others down based on an illusion of how we think their lives should look. You never know someones’ struggle, and you don’t know how they sleep at night. How we treat others is a direct reflection on how we feel about ourselves.

As humans, we crave normalcy. Somewhere inside us, we know that change is inevitable but we still live our days as if it will stay that way forever. We wish on stars at night but sleep late and complain about the life that we’re doing nothing to repair. We pray for help but forget that we have to help ourselves FIRST. Positivity can be contagious if you are looking in the right place; If you surround yourself with negative souls, then that’s your destination as well.

We’re all waiting for something. Waiting to do better; waiting to make more money; waiting for “happiness”. We wait for things that we are not even certain will ever exist. We hope to be this triumphant, loved individual someday, but we are irrational, impatient and unmotivated. We have no confidence. Meanwhile, we cut out the ride, and try to be “perfect”, according to some over-airbrushed model on a magazine cover.

It’s all an illusion… Are we actually even living???

We all need to redirect.

I’ve been crying all morning…

After feeling like I’ve lost something very close to me for the wrong reasons, I realized something:

Perhaps we habitually give our whole heart to those that least deserve it. Maybe we feel the need to cater to someone who is merely a “habit” rather than a destiny…We have this unattainable vision that everyone we meet has the same intentions as us, and that they all love as hard as we do. Soon though, their faults and motives become transparent and we have no choice but to adjust our own thinking. We come to this realization that indeed, the ones we once trusted should not have been able to get that deep into our hearts or souls. We almost feel stupid for believing in them.

Honestly, I feel defeated. Let down, hurt and confused, but love always outweighs these emotions, and when I love, i love hard. I try to rest assured that my heart has always been in the right place, and I know that this speaks volumes of my character and who I am as a person. Although I have yet to see the best of times, I’ve always been a risk taker, and I’m proud of that.

“In life and in love, there are no impossibilities”