The Problem I Have With EXPERIENCE …

The Problem I Have With EXPERIENCE …

“Experience”…That word hits a nerve with me so greatly. 

All we are in this life is “experiences” right? I mean we are only renting these bodies- we don’t own anything. Honestly we’re just walking around EXPERIENCING things. Anything and everything. That’s all it is. It bothers me to no end when people take their lives so serious or they miss out on experiences just because of their “morals” or “beliefs”. Fuck. We all need to believe in something, right? I’m not criticizing religion or faith because that’s not my place. We are all complete strangers- who the fuck am I to tell you about life? But I ask you- Why do so many people walk this line and scare themselves into what it’s all SUPPOSED to look like or who they think they’re SUPPOSED to be? There are no fucking bunk beds in caskets. I think more people need to live for themselves rather than those around them. We need to take more chances and fucking ruin a couple of fancy events. I don’t know. Who cares. We’re humans. And humans are messy and complex and no one will ever really know what’s going on in someone else’s head. We all crave normalcy but we’ll never fucking obtain the true meaning of “normal. 

“Normal” doesn’t fucking exist. 
So who cares if you have exposed some “unethical” behaviors. We all have them, but few posses the honesty (or desire of honesty) to hold themselves accountable. So tell your “friends”, associates, colleagues WHOEVER- to fuck off if they’re so bothered by your “unethical” experiences. I understand the anxiety of it all, because that’s what this society has groomed us to be- scared of everyone’s irrelevant opinions. 

A good friend of mine recently told me the importance of the word “process”. Everyone has opinions and lots of people are willing to share those opinions with you, usually when it’s inconvenient for you. Everyone thinks their opinions are more relevant than yours so get used to that. 

The PROCESS of it though- we can’t control others actions. We can only control our own reaction to it. So go through that PROCESS. The process of accepting people and their opinions (even if they are complete SHIT) and just hold true to yourself and how you react. Your reaction is the only thing that is certain and true, so keep that up and take every single day as a learning EXPERIENCE. 

When you can’t be everyone’s savior anymore…

Do you ever get to that point where all you want to do is break the fuck down? When you physically and mentally can no longer handle being the one that everyone relies on and turns to. Your mind gets clouded with negativity even thought you’re struggling to prevent that. One person can only handle so much before they completely lose themselves in what it’s all supposed to look like. There is nothing more hurtful than counting the billions of times you’ve heard people say “I’m here if you need me”, and then looking around and still being alone. We all can only be the people that we are- we can’t change or morph into someone else. The truth is inevitable and we all let our real colors bleed through when reality hits, wether we want it to or not… would you be proud of those colors, from an outsiders point of view?

An Open Letter to Fathers…

An open letter to fathers:
Being a father consists of so many more things than just simply producing a child. I honestly don’t care how you got to be one; be it an accident, on purpose, unknowingly, or even just one drunken night. All of that is irrelevant to me. 

I’M YOUR DAUGHTER. 

I’m hoping to stand up for daughters everywhere with a less than perfect relationship with their fathers. I get it. We all make mistakes. We all have things happen to us that weren’t expected or weren’t part of that big plan you had as a teenager. I think by our adult lives, we can expect to make a million mistakes, and that’s ok. The real test though is how you handle or correct these mistakes. You deserve a night out here and there. You deserve to go to dinner and hang out with friends. But let’s get real: when you are a parent, a lot of these things get pushed to the side because your child is your priority. You know, that living, breathing PERSON you created??? Again, I don’t care how it happened. An accident? Ok. Guess what? This is your life now. You’re going to carry on your old ways and pretend you don’t have to be a parent because it “was an accident”? I have no sympathy. I didn’t ask to be here. As children, we don’t pre-exist in some parallel universe and subconsciously ask your permission to be born. YOU, as parents, brought us here. And there we are, poor helpless babies, relying on YOU to turn us into decent human beings. Here’s the kicker though: usually, if you suck at being a parent, chances are, your kid might suck too. It’s so unfortunate because we have the capacity to be these amazing, caring and loving individuals, and some of us may not get that option. If we come from a place of anger, disrespect and controversy, what do you expect us to be like??? 

     To all the parents who separate and then marry someone else: Please be sure that you’re not bringing Satan into your child’s life. If you can’t open your eyes and see YOUR spouse, the new person YOU chose, being abusive to YOUR child… You don’t deserve to have that respect from that child. If they tell you that your spouse is abusive, mean and manipulative, you better get your shit together and listen because what kind of person would that make you, turning a blind eye?? Despite what you might think, your kids need you in more ways than one. They need to feel like you care about them. They need to feel like you are loving and protecting them. I don’t care how old your kids get, they still need a father. I’m almost 30 years old and there are days when all I want is my dad to return a text message. 

     Sometimes we get so removed from this world by what we consider “normalcy” that we don’t even know what it’s supposed to be like. I watched my best friend have a phone conversation with her dad yesterday and it actually hurt me to listen to it. She had him on speaker and he sounded so happy to be talking to her. He didn’t ignore the call or sound irritated by her and the crazy gardening questions she was asking him. He was laughing and playing along. And at the end of the call, he made sure to say “I love you” first. I think every parent needs to understand that your kids are capable of amazing things. We are adults now, but that doesn’t mean we don’t need you. We were taught to be respectful, but we were also taught that respect should be reciprocated. If I were you, I’d make sure I was doing my part, and I’d make sure that I can go back on my past decisions and be confident that they were the right ones. If you can’t do that as a parent, and know you gave it 150%, then I think maybe it’s time to reevaluate your life before it’s beyond repair. 

The Pursuit of HappinessĀ 

You know what bothers me a whole lot? Dishonesty with ourselves. Somewhere along the lines, someone made up these ridiculous rules about life, like how long to wait to call after you get a girls number, or how long you have to hang out with someone before you admit to liking them. 

We do this nonsensical charade of pretending not to feel things or feelings. We discredit our own instinctual emotions because we’re worried about ‘breaking’ some unwritten rule. I think the world needs more honesty. It needs more people who aren’t afraid to say what they want, feel the emotions that are true, and show someone their emotions however they believe feels right at that moment. 

You know, I believe this world would be better if we all got honest with ourselves and went after whatever it was that made us the happiest. Sometimes we fall into a hole where nothing seems to go right and we get depressed and give up on things and people. I truly agree because I’ve been there more than once, but even pretending to be happy can change your mood. We have to think about the small things that can help us. Seeing a text from someone you love talking to. Hearing that one persons voice that makes everything worth it. 

So I guess my proposition is to be honest with yourself today. We need to learn to hold on to the ones that make us feel something. We get so caught up in the mediocrity and redundancy of life that we sometimes miss out on these people. And it’s such a shame. 

Running away is always my defense mechanism…

Have you ever felt the urge to pack your bags and leave this place? Do you ever look around at your life and say “Who the fuck am I?” I’m shocked to hear some of my own thoughts sometimes, but I have to be very honest. I don’t know how to be anyone else or how to have someone else’s feelings.
I’ve always felt different… Like I had something to say that was going to change this world.
I guess the problems lie in my childhood; where infidelity, turmoil and escape from reality was the norm. My parents didn’t want the pressure of bringing up another human, so they gave me up to my grandparents. The stress was too much for them- so they ran away.
I don’t know how to change who I am or how I feel, but if we’re being honest, I wish I could pack my bags and never look back.

Can God really be the only one to judge us?

We are all so quick to judge others lives that we forget- the “perfection” we see in ourselves is fictional. It doesn’t exist. We can not bring others down based on an illusion of how we think their lives should look. You never know someones’ struggle, and you don’t know how they sleep at night. How we treat others is a direct reflection on how we feel about ourselves.

As humans, we crave normalcy. Somewhere inside us, we know that change is inevitable but we still live our days as if it will stay that way forever. We wish on stars at night but sleep late and complain about the life that we’re doing nothing to repair. We pray for help but forget that we have to help ourselves FIRST. Positivity can be contagious if you are looking in the right place; If you surround yourself with negative souls, then that’s your destination as well.

We’re all waiting for something. Waiting to do better; waiting to make more money; waiting for “happiness”. We wait for things that we are not even certain will ever exist. We hope to be this triumphant, loved individual someday, but we are irrational, impatient and unmotivated. We have no confidence. Meanwhile, we cut out the ride, and try to be “perfect”, according to some over-airbrushed model on a magazine cover.

It’s all an illusion… Are we actually even living???

We all need to redirect.

I’ve been crying all morning…

After feeling like I’ve lost something very close to me for the wrong reasons, I realized something:

Perhaps we habitually give our whole heart to those that least deserve it. Maybe we feel the need to cater to someone who is merely a “habit” rather than a destiny…We have this unattainable vision that everyone we meet has the same intentions as us, and that they all love as hard as we do. Soon though, their faults and motives become transparent and we have no choice but to adjust our own thinking. We come to this realization that indeed, the ones we once trusted should not have been able to get that deep into our hearts or souls. We almost feel stupid for believing in them.

Honestly, I feel defeated. Let down, hurt and confused, but love always outweighs these emotions, and when I love, i love hard. I try to rest assured that my heart has always been in the right place, and I know that this speaks volumes of my character and who I am as a person. Although I have yet to see the best of times, I’ve always been a risk taker, and I’m proud of that.

“In life and in love, there are no impossibilities”