I guess I’m too predictable…

I feel like sometimes the world gets the best of me… and I know I’m better than that, but its difficult to comprehend why things happen to you even after you do nothing but good. I actually had to say to myself today; “Why the fuck are people so bad? Why do people do things intentionally to hurt others?”
Ok… I’m lying a little… I said it out loud. To the woman at the bank who was helping me.
“Why the fuck are people such assholes?”
I think that’s how it went. She looked up at me, laughed and said “The golden question”
And she’s right. There really is no fucking answer as to why people are like this. How could they be so cruel and so evil that they are just out to hurt someone? I keep trying to live on this notion that everyone I come across is going to have the same heart as me, and I always end up telling myself how unrealistic that thought is… it’s so fucking sad. I have gone out of my way for people on more than one occasion and it’s really shocking when the people you are closest to don’t reciprocate when you are in your time of need. It’s sickening actually; that’s a better word… and that’s all I’ve known for two weeks now, is that gut wrenching, throw-up, dizzy and breathless kind of feeling.. that feeling you get when you’re alone and have Noone to guide you. It’s unbearable sometimes.
It takes all I have in me to keep going.. to keep looking up and getting to the next day. It takes all my strength not to break down and cry… but I know I’m not weak. And I know that strength comes from within. I have to keep trying to believe in somewhere better than here.


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